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Bedroom 101: The Cunning-linguist

Oral sex is arguably an essential part of foreplay; hell, it can make a woman orgasm in its own right. It’s also a great way of priming your partner and raising her levels of arousal levels, which reduces the pressure on you to last for a long time when having sex. I'm going to teach you guys how to give a girl oral sex properly, as well as help you figure out what your partner likes; remember - everyone is different, and what rocks one woman's world might not do it for the next.

The best piece of advice is to get down to some trial and error. Remember: communicate your desires and simply enjoy the process of getting to know each other. We girls love receiving oral sex, but you won’t know for sure if what you read in a book or website will work unless you give it a go. Once you’ve read some advice about what women want, put it to the test. Whatever your partner finds pleasurable is exactly what you need to be doing. Don’t just repeat a trick or style you read, heard or found worked on someone else.

I've noticed a lot of men tend to skip past performing oral sex for their partner (or only doing so to receive some in return), but actually it’s a key ingredient for turning a woman on. So read on for tips for giving a girl good oral sex and take the time to get it right - you can bring some extra spice to the bedroom and really satisfy your partner.


You might not be the biggest fan of giving oral sex, or you may not know exactly how to give your girl oral sex, so you tend to rush into it and try and get it over with. What we want is for you to start slowly though. Kiss her lips, neck and make your way down her body until you’re kissing her inner thighs. Try and make eye contact as much as possible and position yourself in a comfortable way that you can caress her breasts from time to time. The idea is to turn her on before you start the oral sex and make her tingle. A bit of teasing works really well here.


Build it up.

When you begin to kiss and lick during oral sex, work your way in slowly from the outside. This will make the feelings more intense and it'll still feel like you’re teasing her. A slow build up creates a much better orgasm for us women. Most women are very sensitive to touch, including touch performed by the tongue, so start gently and see what your woman wants. The clitoris in particular is packed full of nerve endings so make sure you listen to her signals. Try not to rush into licking the clitoris but when you do, be gentle – especially if she’s not fully aroused.


Get your tongue wagging.

The key to giving a woman good oral sex is to keep moving your tongue. If you’re not sure how, keep it flat and lick up the entire vulva and clitoris. You can do an up and down motion or side to side, or a mixture of both. If you keep your tongue hard and only use the tip, especially in a sharp flicking motion, then you’re denying your girl the softest, wettest and smoothest part of your tongue. It’s important to use the flatter and softer part of your tongue – especially at the start when she may not be fully aroused and not ready for the additional pressure and speed that the tip can bring.

Try spelling out the alphabet over different areas with your tongue – this keeps the tongue moving in different directions. And don’t forget to change the pace – get faster and more intense if she likes it. The classic advice with the alphabet techniques is that if you find a ‘letter’ that she responds well to, then you can keep repeating that letter for a while. You might occasionally want to gently suck her clitoris, as the suction can give a different sensation. Some women will love this, some won’t - even a girl that likes it one day may not the next day - just friggin' try it. You need to be ready to switch it up, be creative, be flexible and keep working at finding what tongue movements, pressure and speed work on a particular girl, on a particular day in a particular setting!

Remember, young stud, it’s not just the clitoris you need to focus on. Draw that alphabet large over the whole area, then medium and small around different parts. Women enjoy the whole area being licked, kissed and touched, so don’t get caught up just on the bean.


Get handsy.

When going down on a woman, try to get yourself into a position where your hands are free to add an extra element. If you’re able to caress her body and breasts while giving oral, then great. You can also use one hand to slightly lift up the ‘hood’ of the clitoris and reveal the more sensitive part for your tongue to stimulate. Make sure you learn where this is. If you’re good at multi-tasking, why not add your fingers into the action and try to stimulate her g-spot? Most women enjoy the build-up so try to learn when she’s ready for you to use your fingers as well to intensify the pleasure to the next level. If you go straight in with the fingers at the start then you might ruin the potential for an orgasm that a steady build-up brings.


Limber up.

Try different techniques and see what works for you. Perhaps you’d like to introduce some new positions (such as the 69 where you go down on each other at the same time). Whatever you do, mix it up and don’t make things feel like a routine. If she doesn’t quite know what to expect, she’ll be even more turned on, whether the oral sex is for foreplay or for orgasm.


Don’t stop!

It’s not always easy for you to speak to her while you perform oral sex, but listen to the sounds she makes. We women can be a bit shy, but generally most like to talk and say what we like. If your girl isn’t a talker, check for signs she’s enjoying it, such as heavier breathing or moaning. And if she’s holding the top of your head, she may grip harder as she’s closer to climaxing. Look for signals that tell you she’s really turned on, and don’t suddenly stop or change what you’re doing if what you’re doing is working. At the start it’s fine to play around and experiment with different actions and techniques. but once you’ve teased her and gotten her all warmed up, it’s time to settle on the technique that will give her an orgasm and not stop until she gets there.


By this point, your jaw may be aching and your tongue might feel numb, but persistence will pay off. If she’s enjoying it, then stopping as she’s building towards climax just because you have neck ache or a sore jaw isn’t cool! Nothing beats a bit of feedback so ask her afterwards if she liked it and she might offer some tips to make next time even more intense.



Hopefully you’ll have gotten the message by now that the key to giving a girl oral sex is to not expect any one thing to work from one time to the next. You need to be flexible, creative and responsive. If she doesn’t tell you exactly what works in words, then you need to find out yourself by trial and error and observing her responses to what you are doing. And perhaps most importantly, when you know what works for her, once you decide to focus on that technique just keep doing it at the same speed, pressure and motion until she orgasms.


Enjoy the practice, enjoy the experimenting, and enjoy the feel-good sensation when you magically work out exactly what she needs to have orgasms.


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